You can’t win an argument.
Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.
-Gautam Buddha
Patronizing colleagues. Fighting spouse. Nagging siblings. Angry teenagers. Poking neighbors. The street vendor. The chai wala. Your customers. The web developer. The mailman. And who ever else. Are conservations more of a fight? Buddha has the answer. He was a smart fellow. Follow his advice.
How you ask? Read along!!
Why prove to a man/women they are wrong? Is that going to make them like you? Why not let them save his face? They didn’t ask for your opinion. They didn’t want it. Why argue with them?
There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument and that is to avoid it.
9 times out of 10, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced that they are absolutely right.
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Yes yes. Very proverbial/cliched. But its true!
A man/women convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.
If you agree and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an Empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s goodwill.
Benjamin Franklin
An anecdotal account.
Here lies the body of William J, who died maintaining his right of way, he was right, dead right, as he sped long, but he is just as dead as if he were wrong.
You may be right, dead right as you speed along in your arguments; but as far as changing other’s mind is concerned, you will probably be just as if you are wrong.
Another Anecdotal account, and what steps to follow
- Longer we argued, the more stubborn he became.
Avoid the argument, change the subject and give other person appreciation. - Everyone wants a feeling of importance. By arguing, people attain importance by loudly asserting their authority. Allow others to expand their ego, then they become sympathetic and human.
Buddha “hatred is never ended by hatred but by love” and misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conservation and sympathetic Desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
How to keep disagreements from becoming arguments
- Welcome the disagreement
- Distrust your first instinctive impression
- Control your temper.
- Listen first. Give opponent’s chance to talk. Do not resist, defend or debate.
- Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, first talk on the points and areas on which you agree
- Think over your opponents ideas and study them carefully.
- Better than experiencing I told you so in the end.
- Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.
Remember, hatred is not ended by hatred but by love, that is, remember Buddha.
Reference
How to win friends and influence people
— -Dale Carnegie
